You Paired Me Off With Who?!
by Lord Jeram
Summary: A Limeish story that answers the question: How messed up can I make the relationships between the casts become?


Visit my web site at http://come.to/ranmafics or email me at  
lordjeram@ranmamail.com or jemhf@wam.umd.edu.  
As I've said before, I have many different aspects of personality, some of  
which occasionally help me write fics.  
  
In this story I explore with Crazy Jeremy what might happen if the least  
likely couples got together. Multiple times. Lecherous Jeremy jumps in too  
at a few points. But don't worry: There are no explicit scenes, just implied  
ones. I can't really write true lemon stories, because they would be too  
powerful: Anyone reading them would be so turned on they wouldn't be able to  
function.  
  
Anyway, often I see matchups in fics that are the best, completely unlikely.  
What the problem is, is there is little or no explanation of how these  
matchups occur. Well, I decided to try to explain all of mine. When I  
finish eventually, I'll post a guide to explanations and matchups, because  
they will get confusing. In addition, I decided to go for broke, and have  
as many people hook up as possible, then a few more. Now, here goes  
nothing!:  
  
You Paired Me Off with Who?!  
  
Chapter One: We Start with the Slightly Predictable . . . Sort Of  
  
  
Akane punched the wall in front of her, smashing it to pieces in an  
instant. But she didn't stop there. Soon the entire building was a wreck.  
  
With every punch and kick, she imagined she was beating up Ranma. She  
would've slammed him if he wasn't on a date with Ukyo. That slut! Suddenly  
Akane heard a whistle coming from down the road. Dr. Tofu strode up, but  
was stopped in his tracks by the horrible sight in front of him. He whirled  
to Akane.  
  
"Akane! What happened here? Who destroyed my office?"  
  
"Uh..." Akane drew a blank for a second. "Uh, it was Shampoo and those  
others in the Amazon gang, and they kidnaped Ukyo and Ranma." Tofu's face  
darkened.  
  
"Those folks have gone too far this time. I have to alert the police."  
Tofu rushed off before Akane could say another word. She stared at the  
wreckage she had created and sighed.  
  
"Oh well. At least those filthy Chinese Amazons will be deported now."  
With a smile on her face, she started to walk home. She didn't know why,  
but now, after seeing Tofu so distraught, Akane began to feel warmer. She  
licked her lips.  
  
"I suppose that work-out really uh... warmed me up." She saw Tatewaki  
Kuno walking toward her, head straight, handsome eyes looking straight at  
her. Akane allowed her gaze to drift over the rest of Kuno's impressive  
build. "I think I'll have some fun with him."  
  
Kuno walked up to Akane.  
  
"Fairest damsel, I wish only to woo..." Without warning, Akane slugged  
Kuno in the jaw. Kuno slumped to the ground, but looked up. "Spirit of the  
tiger! Akane Tendo, you shall be mine!" Akane grinned. She hadn't realized  
that violence actually turned her on so much. She leaned forward and gave  
Kuno a passionate kiss before kicking him in the stomach.  
  
She stood up.  
  
"Ok, Kuno." Her eyes glittered with mischief. "Follow me to that  
alleyway over there."  
  
Kuno's eyes widened, but he scrambled quickly to his feet, and readily  
complied.  
  
*  
  
"Great-grandmother! Where is love potion #17?" Cologne sighed.  
  
"Grand-daughter, I don't have time now. I have to plan out our next  
plan to take Ranma." Shampoo, ignoring her, stood in the kitchen looking at  
various bottles.  
  
She hoisted one up.  
  
"This must be one. Ranma will have to fall in love with me now."  
  
She ran out of the store.  
  
*  
  
A tear ran out of Kodachi's eye.  
  
"What's wrong, my dear? That didn't hurt too much, did it?" Genma looked  
over at Kodachi lying face down on the mattress. "I promise you, this will  
definitely assure that Ranma will choose you as his bride." Kodachi forced  
herself to smile and turned back to Genma.  
  
"Very well, father of my true love, I will continue."  
  
*  
  
Ranma and Ukyo sat next to each other on a bench, enjoying a leisurely  
lunch. Shampoo spied them and hopped nearby, hiding in the bushes. She  
pulled out the bottle and prepared to use it, when a sudden movement to the  
side caused her to drop the bottle, sending strangely-colored fumes  
everywhere. She breathed in on reflex, and sneezed instantly. Her eyes  
focused on the figure next to her, who was also focused on her. She leaned  
forward and looked seductively at her target, playing with his mustache. He  
responded by grabbing her in his arms and kissing her passionately. The two  
were so busy that they didn't hear the noise coming from nearby.  
  
*  
  
Akane walked triumphantly down the road, leaving Tatewaki bruised and  
battered in the alleyway.  
  
"I am the greatest lover in the world!" she thought to herself. "But I  
need more! Where's that pervert Ranma? Or maybe Ryoga?" She heard a rustling  
nearby, and saw the sun glinted off oversized glasses.  
  
"Shampoo, my darling, is that you?" Akane forced her voice to raise  
higher than normal.  
  
"It sure is, lover. Why don't you let Shampoo take care of you?" With a  
cry of joy, Mousse jumped into Akane's waiting arms.  
  
*  
  
A doorbell interrupted Kodachi's shower. She wrapped herself in a towel  
and went to see who was at the door. She grimaced when she saw it was Genma.  
"What is wrong with that vile peon?!" She forced herself to smile, and  
opened the door.  
  
  
*  
  
"Help! Help!"  
  
Miss Hinako heard the pleas for help and sped across the ice rink to  
find a young girl beating on a handsome young man. She frowned.  
  
"Get away from him you little delinquent." The girl seeing Miss Hinako,  
shrieked and sped away. Miss Hinako helped Mikado to his feet. Their eyes  
met.  
  
Mikado kissed her hand.  
  
"My thanks, my lady." He leaned over, and before Hinako could react,  
kissed her fully on the lips. They stood embracing for many minutes when  
they finally pulled away. Hinako looked at Mikado shyly.  
  
"Why don't we continue this at my apartment? I'll just need to pick up  
some, uh, 'things' from the school first."  
  
Mikado smiled, slightly woozy, but managed to throw on the charm.  
  
"Of course, my dear."  
  
*  
  
Kodachi was washing her sheets when she heard the doorbell ring. She  
hurried to answer it.  
  
"Maybe it's Ranma!" She opened the door to see Genma standing in front  
of her.  
  
Kodachi cringed. "Please, not again."  
  
Genma shook his head sadly. "Sorry, my dear, but I'm afraid I have the  
urge, and you know Nodoka is not an option."  
  
Kodachi gritted her teeth and resisted the urge to throttle the fat  
slob. Instead, she put an image of Ranma's smiling face in her mind, and  
smiled at his father. "Of course, come one in."  
  
*  
  
  
"Oh Ranchan! You were amazing!"  
  
"Please Ucchan. You were fantastic!"  
  
Ukyo blushed and pretended to swat at Ranma.  
  
"Come on, you jackass!"  
  
Ranma grinned as looked at his fiance.  
  
"I guess I'm gonna have to break the news to Akane. Oh well." Ranma  
looked serious for a moment, then both started bursting into laughter.  
Ranma wiped tears away from his eyes. "But seriously, I better go tell my  
parents and the Tendos." He kissed Ukyo on the forehead. "I'll see you  
later my love." Ukyo sighed with ecstasy, and lied back onto the grass.  
  
*  
  
Nabiki was walking down the street when she heard a sobbing. Carefully  
following the sound, she found herself looking at Kodachi weeping. A  
strange feeling came over Nabiki, and she leaned down and put her arm around  
Kodachi.  
  
"Come on now, Kodachi, what's wrong?" Kodachi looked up, her face  
streaked red with tears. She bit her lip nervously then closed her eyes.  
Nabiki was startled, but hid it well. "Come on, you can tell me." Kodachi  
nodded her head slowly.  
  
"Ranma's father has been . . . taking advantage of me, telling me that  
by doing so he will tell Ranma to choose me as his wife. It's been . . ."  
  
She started sobbing again. "Horrible! I had wanted to save myself for  
Ranma, but now I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror." Nabiki  
rubbed Kodachi's shoulders.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. But in the meantime, let me take  
you to someone who can help you through your problems."  
  
"Who?" Kodachi rubbed her eyes.  
  
"A doctor."  
  
Kodachi straigtened. "Very well, let's go."  
  
*  
  
Asuza ran and ran. She couldn't believe some older woman, and a _teacher_  
at that, had stolen Mikado from her. Well, two could play that game. She  
spotted an older man, bald with glasses and haunch. Asuza grinned. Child's  
play.  
  
(Yikes. Let's leave this one to the imagination, shall we?)  
  
*  
  
Nabiki and Kodachi sat impatiently in Dr. Tofu's waiting room.  
  
Nabiki grumbled to herself. "Where is that fool? It's not like Kasumi's  
around."  
  
Kodachi started sniffling, and broke down into tears again.  
  
Nabiki felt a strange pang, and somehow, a small attraction to the  
gymnast. It was something like sympathy towards Kodachi and disgust towards  
Genma all rolled up into one huge ball of emotions. She put her arm around  
Kodachi, and rubbed her shoulders. "There, there." Kodachi looked up, and  
their eyes met. Then both of their eyes were closed.  
  
*  
Aiya! You didn't really think I was just going to pair up guys with girls,  
didya? Well, you were right. Wait a minute no you weren't. I'm sorry, I  
get confused by Crazy Jeremy's stories too.  
  
Once again:  
Visit my web site at http://come.to/ranmafics or email me at  
lordjeram@ranmamail.com or jemhf@wam.umd.edu. 


End file.
